Lifestyle Power Exchange & Vulnerability

The more experience I gain with lifestyle BDSM, the more I crave it. The obsession, the lust, the intensity, the intimacy, the complicated and conflicted feelings: I want it all.

But the majority of those who engage in BDSM identify as ‘bedroom only.’ Given common perceptions and misconceptions as to how D/s relationships work, many people feel a lifestyle dynamic is just ‘too much.’ And that’s fine. I’ll not presume to prescribe actions for other people’s happiness. That said, I’ve found restricting D/s dynamics to the bedroom means cheating myself out of the most intense emotions and sensations. Those can only be experienced by living within the strictures of the dynamic on a day-to-day basis.

One major difference between ‘bedroom’ and ‘lifestyle’ BDSM is the level of vulnerability.

For example, in my last relationship, my Dominant required I articulate every fantasy, thought, and emotion I had regarding our relationship. There wasn’t a quota attached to the number of emails I sent or their word count, nor was there a set number/length of ‘required discussions.’ Instead, she expected me to journal about or tell her anything and everything that seemed significant. If I failed to do so, then I was cheating both of us, so I worked hard to comply.

At first this kind of exercise can feel a bit awkward. I mean, if you are ‘doing it right’ telling someone ‘everything’ means just that. Every thought, emotion, and fantasy you’ve written in excruciating detail for them to look over. But getting all this down was a rush for me.

The more I trusted her, the more I divulged. Eventually, and the feeling of being known – I mean really known – grew stronger as did the feeling I was truly ‘owned.’ And that’s the difference between playing games in the bedroom and playing for keeps. The cumulative effect of divulging ‘everything’ on a regular basis was just one more thing that helped my feelings to become as deep, real, and raw as they did. Oh, and the sex only got more amazing!

There’s no way in hell a bedroom submissive will have this kind of experience.

One major gripe dominants sound off about is submissives topping from the bottom. I feel a lot of this occurs because of a lack of communication beforehand. Because after a months of detailing my fantasies, reactions to sex and intimacy a well as my physical and emotional state afterward, there was zero doubt in my mind that my Dominant knew what I craved while squirming naked under her thumb. Though often she wanted to hear me beg for it, anyway.

Whether I got what I craved is a different matter. But the fact she knew what was going on in my head was an incredible turn-on.

Vulnerability is fucking hot. And while I feel strongly that one of the keys to a satisfying a D/s relationship is for a submissive to remain vulnerable to their Dominant, the  Dominant reveals a tremendous amount to their submissive as well. And a good sub will take care to listen and learn what their top wants and expects. Anticipating what a Dominant wants makes them much happier than them having to tell you every, little thing.

Dominants tend to fuck you more often when they’re pleased with your behavior.

I am being a tad flippant here, but I do have a genuine point: real success comes about when all parties concerned listen and learn from the other. And, yes, of course, this applies to ANY relationship….It’s just that BDSM is much more fun!

I’ve been thinking about all I divulged to her a lot these days. In hindsight, I realize how I could have used the knowledge gained from this process more effectively. But I’ll save that topic for another post.


5 thoughts on “Lifestyle Power Exchange & Vulnerability

  1. slave caged must start by saying,awesome,simply awesome.
    slave caged is in an online relationship with a domme that has gone a lot farther than slave ever thought it could. truthfully she came into slaves life at a time when in a matter of hours it was going to be all over for slave.see slave suffers from post traumatic stress disorder,slave was truly going to end it all the day she came into slaves life.slave has always wanted a female led relationship,so we intend on getting together real soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m new to the concept of ‘lifestyle’ so I look to your writing to make some sense of what I’m going through. I have noticed a difference between “bedroom” & lifestyle: it seems more enriching to me. Your statement: “the feeling of being known – I mean really known – grew stronger as did the feeling I was truly ‘owned.’” resonates with how I’m beginning to feel. I’ll ask my partner to read your post and see if that idea of my journaling would be useful to her. I have heard of sub guys creating a private blog that their dom could read whenever they wanted. What became of your journals? Thanks for reading my posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for both the comment and kind words. I’m happy to hear my rants and ramblings are useful to someone! Oh and welcome to lifestyle D/s – the ride often gets more intense from here on out. And, yes, keeping a private journal or blog can be a terrific way to increase a Dominant’s access to you and make you more vulnerable.

      As for what became of my journals, do you mean my entries in this blog, which have recently tapered off? If so, the most recent post, ‘Not a Hiatus” should clear that up. –Short version, I’m writing my ass of elsewhere!

      Or do you mean my emails an personal journals kept for my Dominant? If so, those are around but are private. I’m sure the future will find me sharing more though.

      Thanks again and best of luck on your journey.


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