The Pedestal Effect

What’s wrong with placing someone on a pedestal?

For those involved in bedroom-only D/s, this question is likely either abstract or a non-starter, but for those into lifestyle D/s or TPE (Total Power Exchange), it’s as concrete as it is complicated.

Check that – It’s really complicated.

While there’s no hard-fast definition of what this idiom means, elevating a dominant to a pedestal does have two explicit connotations we can agree on:

  • They are above you.
  • They are admired.

Implicit meanings are where this gets murky because of the broad spectrum of meanings implied, anything from: “This dominant can do little if anything wrong.” to “This dominant is an admirable human being who I submit to despite their flaws.”

Anyone who thinks I’m needlessly splitting hairs or over-thinking a turn of phrase should spend time talking to a D/s lifestyler who’s been raped or physically/mentally abused by someone they helped deify. And like most topics related to D/s, there’s no reductive, universal answer to the question; responses to the query will depend, mostly, on personal experience, preferences, and beliefs.

Someone else might argue the question is inherently flawed because it’s not specific enough. Well, yeah, it’s a metaphor, so good luck nailing that down. If you lack negative capability, then I wish you additional luck in your love life. Because anyone who’s been involved in the wrestling match of intellect and ego (among many other things) that is a D/s relationship, would likely agree there’s a fuck-ton of ambiguity involved for such an explicitly binary dynamic. – So I posed the question using this metaphor, specifically, because it lends itself to contextualization and a point.

Once an individual’s been placed on a pedestal in a very concrete and codified way, there’s always the chance – a very good chance – their ego will efface some or all of who they were prior to ascension. So even if you’re abundantly  cautious in who you submit to, there appears to be a strong possibility your actions will assist in transforming them into someone completely different.

And, no transformation doesn’t imply there’s ‘always’ a negative outcome. That said, would anyone like to point out examples of where an overblown ego has led to a positive one?

Yet, as someone with a dog in this fight, I feel the need to come up with a clear-cut, definitive response to my question.

Q – What’s wrong with placing someone on a pedestal?

A – Well, it depends…You have to be careful…ah, never mind.There’s nothing wrong with it, provided you know what the fuck you are doing and who you are empowering…Look, it’s hard to explain, and would you please stop looking at me?

So much for a clear-cut answer…

Look, I could lay out my plan for avoiding all the pitfalls enumerated above, then opine about how I know what’s best, but I ain’t that bold a liar.

The only thing I can say for sure is I crave an inherently unfair dynamic and enter it knowing full-well the odds are stacked against me. However I have no problem suffering the whims of someone I admire, love, and happily worship. Actually, in my opinion, that’s the only kind of person worth submitting to.

Maybe I’m delusional, but I’d like to believe there’s a way I can be of service, place a dominant on that pedestal, and enable/assist their transformation into someone who evolves into a better person as a result.

One day, I’ll put this belief to the test.


If you’re interested in this topic, I recommend reading – Working Toward Total Power Exchange.

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6 thoughts on “The Pedestal Effect

    1. Not at all. I agree that that kind of idolization does necessarily change your subject.

      I was more thinking about how I’m on the outside of the conversation because my Dom doesn’t want a full time D/s relationship. He’s more in the bedroom less outside it.

      I’m submissive no matter what. I have been curious about putting One on a pedestal. I see it more defined in Female led relationships.

      I would love to see where you take it.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. You’re right, that’s really complicated. I’ve been sitting here for the past couple of minutes trying to think of my own answer to that question, and so far it still looks rather similar to yours. It’s definitely something that requires caution, though.

    Liked by 1 person

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