Answering the Absurd

If you were a sex toy, what kind of sex toy would you be?

A  question as  ridiculous as it is simple, yet some grapple with the answer. Who says you can’t have fun while remaining disoriented and confused in the face of an, apparently, meaningless existence?


The Guidelines:

  1. You may pick only one object as the answer.
  2. Post your answer as a comment below.
  3. Short explanations are welcome but not necessary.

I’ll delete only the comments which are destined to become answers before publishing them below, along with a link to your blog or website if you have one.

That’s all there is to it. Have fun, and I’m looking forward to reading your responses.

Readers Respond

When asking an absurd question, you can’t be sure as to what the answers will look like. Although, given the subject matter, you can probably imagine what some might be…

Anyway, below you’ll find some of the answers I’ve collected and received.

First up was Pelgris who responded with, “St. Andrews cross. So versatile.”

Quite true, Pelgris, that’s a  versatile piece of equipment. Essentially, Pelgris imagines himself as an object to which writhing bodies are bound? Hey now, someone wants control!

Next, slavedoggieboy stated: “Iwould [sic] be a butt pug [sic].”

So it looks like slave-doggie-boy  has placed his finger on his authentic self within the strictures of my stupid question. Thing is, one missing consonant and the entire meaning of the sentence changes. As one who misspells tons of words and constantly revises,  I’m not one to cast stones…usually. But,yanno, it’s all fun and games until a tiny smush-faced dog is stuffed where the sun don’t shine. Or  maybe this guy want’s to role play the part of a pug dog?  Fuck it, I give up.

Interestingly, the topic of being an insertable device really lit up the response field over on Google Plus where two members of a BDSM community had the following exchange:

Tim S. – “Dildo for woman only”
Dallas G. – “I agree..a big one too lol”
Tim S. – “right lol”

Dallas G. – “I wouldn’t want to be no anal beads lol”

One person’s satisfied existence is another’s hell. Because ultimately, much like Sisyphus, we must imagine those who’ve chosen an infinity of insertion to be happy.

Meanwhile, over on twitter, Nicci Haydon said: a strap-on. Swing both ways, fun for all involved, and empowering to women.

Out of all the answers I’ve received, Nicci’s response seems to be the most well thought through. And what’s not to like about her argument? It’s authentic, sexy, and empowers women.

In contrast, the LCD answer of the evening arrived on Google Plus where a fellah who goes by the handle of Game b. -“Wants to be toilet paper…”[ The rest of this comment was redacted by yours truly]

To each his own, Game b. But I’d like to point out toilet paper is not a sex toy. Also, the thoughts which I redacted were  foul. Sure, we could debate the point, but I’m going to move on.

A rare breed of submissive are those who are indefatigable models of selfless service, and  Slave Tasha is  certainly among them. Her answer is an excellent example as she imagines herself – “A glass dildo, allowing for the variables of heat or cold, fast or slow, cunt or ass depending on the desires of the Dominant.”

It’s impossible to think of a more fitting object for Tasha when she phrases the description to capture her essence. And, like me, Tasha’s a complete slut (for her Dominant anyway), so it’s no surprise  she found an elegant way to describe base use. Gotta love her.

And then Maze Wolfig stated, “I like to be a extremely restriktive Ponyplay- Headharness from a 4-legged ponyslave!”

I’ll confess, when Maze specified a ‘4-legged’ pony slave I had to search the interwebs for clarification. I was relieved to find the term refers a submissive human who crawls on all fours. Hey, I learned something new today. -Thanks, Maze!

Last but certainly not least, Domina Jen responded with: “A bondage set. Boys just look too cute when they’re tied up and helpless. And since I do love restraining a squirming boy, if I were a sex toy, that’s what I’d want my purpose to be.”

Well, hell, what’s a boy to do? Jen says she’s a “bondage set” when the first rule listed states, “You may only pick one item.” Now Miss Jen is no dummy, so I’m going to presume  she’s flaunted the rules to demonstrate her refusal to buy into “the sentimental conspiracy.”  Faced with this kind of logic and rebuttal, I’m thinking this will be the last answer published.

Someone might decry this move to be biased and unfair; not only am I standing by as a female Dominant breaks the rules but also fixing hers as the final word. To this person I would just say the following – Duh! Have you read any of my work? 

Thanks to all those who took the time to respond. This was fun!


7 thoughts on “Answering the Absurd

  1. OMG, toilet paper is not one that I’ve ever heard before and I am not sure I want to hear the rest of that one.

    Thank you for the nice comment on mine!

    I would like to have said, “A ball gag, because my presence makes people speechless.” Alas, untrue.

    Liked by 1 person

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