A confession. When I’m made to wait for my Dominant – perhaps told to cool my heels at a table or instructed to sit in the car like a little bitch – compliance often comes with a sexual rush.
This might be just one more aspect of D/s dynamics that seems ‘crazy’ to vanilla folks, and I’m not sure if other submissives feel the same way. Regardless, I’m turned on by both the instruction and act of waiting for my Dominant as one more action of submissive obedience. Because that’s my mindset and approach, submissive obedience is exactly what the act of waiting is.
Just like the stab of lust I feel when she calls me, “boy” or responds to a question with – “ You’ll do as you’re told,” I derive pleasure from cheerfully waiting while my Dominant does what suits her. It’s one more affirmation that I understand and value my place in an unfair dynamic.
Some readers might dismiss this as a trivial action, one I’ve fetishized along with other trivial moments to be more than they seem. While I’ll readily concede the action is minor, I think such readers misunderstand the total effect of being mindfully obedient and sweating each little action as a part of a greater whole.
The effect accumulates, making what’s mundane and intimate equally significant.
An example: I often spend time with V on Skype. We usually spend a few hours each evening chatting, and I’ll often work with the cam up, which allows her to supervise. But V is a busy woman, often attending events without knowing when she’ll return. She might come home before my bedtime or she might not. Either way, I absolutely enjoy keeping the program running and working away even if I’m fairly sure she won’t come back. Why?Because if she does return, then it’s important she log on to find me accessible when it’s convenient for her.
While the Skype example is a tame one, it’s no outlier. I find similar surges in submissive happiness come from waiting in the car while she attends to something trivial or waiting on the floor of a darkened closet, bound, gagged, and plugged. While these actions may appear to be completely different, they have a lot in common. At my core, it’s the act of complying and being subservient to someone who guides, protects, abuses, torments, uses, and is in charge of me that’s a turn on. And if others within the lifestyle witness this, it provides an opportunity for me to demonstrate my pride in being obedient and knowing my place.
“Won’t he mind?” they might ask.
“Not at all,” she might respond with a small smile. “He’s an obedient boy.”
These words make me glow and ache to be at her feet all the more. Because it’s all of the tiny details, one placed atop the other, the strictures, rituals, repercussions, and rewards, all of them accumulate to become the substance of a D/s relationship. Of course, a rule or ritual is only as meaningful as the spirit which it’s approached and adhered to.
If a submissive puts earnest intensity into their obedience only to find the Dominant isn’t as passionate or serious, or vice versa, then an intoxicating binary of power quickly becomes nothing more than a perfunctory chore.
Relationships are like this. D/s is no exception.
Would I wait like this for anyone else?
I’m impatient with those who waste my time or act as is I’ve nothing better to do than wait on them. Anyone privy to my being a submissive boy in a female-led relationship and taking that to mean I’m a pussy to be fucked by the world will get a rude awakening.
Nope, I’m just lucky enough to be her bitch – happily so. Taking pride and pleasure in my adherence to smaller gestures such as waiting is the least I can do to let her know.