Mostly Harmless

I’ve met and befriended a Fledgling Domme local to me. Since moving, this is the first local D type I’ve engaged with.

She’s a nerdy, Type A, professional gal, who’s delightfully neurotic and wonderfully naive about all things BDSM. I enjoy hanging out with her. Mostly because we have zero chemistry outside the ‘friend zone.’

I met her a few weeks ago for lunch and today for a quick after-work bite.

She asked if I would attend a munch or event with her.

“That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because even on my best behavior, there’s no way I can fake interest…or worse, hide my contempt. You’d feel me mentally rolling my eyes and being a judgy, jaded prick. Frankly, I don’t want to be a buzzkill.”

And this is what will happen. I do not want to be the annoyed guy popping balloons just as she’s starting to explore the party.

Am I saying I’d never be able to behave myself at an event? No, of course, I’d behave myself if brought as a collared boy. (Not saying I’d forgo whining and grousing a bit later, but I would be invested in making it a pleasant evening.)

But I digress…and I digress…and I digress…

Right now, I feel like I’m simultaneously in a really good mental place while remaining emotionally numb.

A late lunch is pleasant enough with Fledgling Domme who likes to talk books, commiserate about work politics, and tell me what to do.

She’s as cute as she is harmless, a pleasant distraction, but I sometimes wonder if I’m going to be numb from the heart down forever.

Then I glanced at a certain email account for the first time in days to find a brief note from a Dominant checking on me. Just a few words, but the right words made this boy flush red and glow for a bit…

Maybe not – completely – numb after all…

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5 thoughts on “Mostly Harmless

  1. It’s good to see you writing again.
    I can relate to this on so many levels. I have also befriended a couple of fledgling Dommes lately 🙂

    As for the numbness, I’m not sure how to speed up that process but there are those who can pierce its armor and it does pass, often when your heart is ready to open itself up again.

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the kind words.

      I’ve found that befriending fledgling Dommes is a weird space to operate in. It is like service while mentoring — and the entire time, I am desperately trying to remain mindful to not ‘over explain’ things.

      Eh, that’s the wrong phrasing, but I am weary, so it will have to do 🙂

      Good to hear from you, and take it easy.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. It is a bit of a weird space. It gets especially complicated with knowing that if you truly help them grow, you render yourself obsolete to them.

      I do find watching their growth enjoyable. It does have some strange feelings that go along with it.

      Take care

      Liked by 1 person

  2. For some reason I’m inclined to start singing. Though “Comfortably Numb” and “My Heart Will Go On” as a cocophanous atonal dance mix is a bit much to manage; the clash of Pink Floyd and Celine Dion is a bit much for my brain at the moment. 😉

    Anywhoo…

    It’s nice to hear from you.

    And friends, ingenue Dommes or otherwise, are always a plus. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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